neff's blog

one week left.

so.. throughout my lack of posting i went full force on p90x. it has become my hobby to exercise and get fit. ive lost about 15 pounds so far, but ive got a ways to go still. still have a belly, still got a not so proud to announce body fat percentage, but i did lose 2 inches off my belt. 

ive never skipped a day of the work out so im real about the results. the only thing i didnt do during p90x was the diet. i wouldve lost alot more if i did, im sure. 

today, i did one of the workouts with two of my friends. it was hard trying to talk to them while doing the routines, but i did notice i was hanging in there alot harder than they were. one was a first timer, and the other kept in shape pretty well. it was interesting to see where i was at. and when i thought about it, the first times i did these exercises, i could barely do shit. now its just a normal routine.

over the years, ive tried to lose weight by dieting, exercising and all, but so far, this has worked best. when i do get discouraged, i just tell myself i look alot better than i did before i started, and it makes me wanna keep going. 

once im done with p90x, im thinking of doing insanity with some p90x strength training sprinkled in between.

hopefully i can make through it... i do need alot more cardio than p90x provides.

heh. wtf man

i was taking a shower and thinking about these posts i made last night. i tried hard not to type this shit out, but i ended up doing it anyway.

wth man. i hate being emo. stupid shit. i feel better now. ill leave the posts up as motivation to not be emo.

i should really follow Barney Stinson's advice: When I get sad, I stop being sad. I get awesome instead.

foolish

ok kids. another round of embarass-myself and i have to share it somewhere so i can semi-figure it out

i go to a lounge with a dance floor last friday night. get myself on the usual alcoholic level that i enjoy. my friends all decide to dance and we dance in a circle. being the usual animated one that i am, i dance doing shoulder shrugs and whatever. whenever im with these folks, i seem to look like some sort of advanced dancer... but im not really into just doin the same old two step, so im always dancing like a fool.

now, this was the second time that this has happened to me and this time i will actually talk about it....

im buzzed im live im giggin real nice. so these two girls start dancin next to me rite? one of them is eyein me like.. you know that look. she starts movin and im standing there confused. my friend looks at me sayin "better bust a move!" but i wasnt sure. i dont know why i get all shy. man, im 27 years old. wtf. why?

ok stop writing like that.

anyway... girl starts lookin at me dancin and i dont take the hint. and apparently, my friend was lookin at another girl signaling that she was tryin to dance with me too. im just used to going to clubs and dancing around, feelin myself. its still new that a girl would try to dance with me. and if they do, they usually make it real obvious by pullin my hald over and shit - but thats rare. lol@myself. the next morning, i was hella thinking, fuck. why didnt i just dance with her? the fuck??

i know i should have, but its rare that i go to clubs/lounges for dancing anyway. i guess the rejection factor still scares me. i really should get over that and just come back with some funny stories.

maybe letting this out on my blog will help me get over it. if this post confused the fuck out of you.. here are the cliffs:

cliffs: girl tried to dance with me. i got shy and bitched out. i need to man up and get over it.

im thinking its time...

ive been entertaining the idea for the past few months, but i think its time i get off my ass now. its time to move on. ive been kicked around and overworked too much now. its time for some balance.

this single line has brought me over the edge today from my vp...

ill send this to the [web team] and show them why they suck

and he said this aloud as he saw that another company had a blog. he thought it was "visionary" since when is a blog visionary? all it talked about was it's companys products and had a video on it.

WE HAVE FUCKING DEMO VIDS TOO. apparently, this chump doesnt know what we do because he never visits his own fucking website. why complain about a website if you don't even bother visiting it? SINCE WHEN WAS A BLOG SOMETHING REVOLUTIONARY ANYWAY??? even if we get a blog set up, whats gonna be posted. im sick of building shit for people when they have some big fuckin strat and when i build the framework, they drop the project. one week's worth of productivity down the shitter.

fuckin sick of this shit. i work fuckin 10-12 hours a day. my blackberry keeps me oncall 24 hours a day. im prompt when things need to be done and i never complain about being stressed... well, i do to my manager at least. i dont know what else this fool wants to show that im down.

the only way to show how valuable this team is, is to let it break down. once im gone, a third of the company's web team will be unable to support all 5000 of them. as jay-z said..

if you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack. maybe you'll love it if i fade to black.

reasons why im not particularly fond of vox.

maybe by writing this, the vox team can make some improvements?

• yes, theres tags for my posts. but where is my tag cloud?
• how do i sort my posts anyway? i dont wanna keep hitting "older" to find old posts.
• search keywords in my own posts maybe?
• is there a mobile vox? something i can use to post from my phone?
  
• maybe some better flexibility when posting images
• better image library control.

still, i periodically update this blog. i have no other outlet. the "blog" i've been thinking of making hasn't been created yet. im too lazy to gin it up still

trade show life was pretty crazy.

another work post.. but it wont be a rant.

so its been almost 2 months since i was at ces for my company. this week, most of the team is at mobile world congress in barcelona.

i gotta say.. that shit was hella fun and i want more. the lack of sleep, the stress, the rush, the dinners. god damn. just like i read in the books from college. i havent had a chance to break down from that week because of vacation and being jaded after vacation, but now im back in work mode so im started to look back at my recent two months.

i would start the day at around 8am realizing i had files i needed to upload and updates i gotta do for the site. upload here, site change there. tweet here, youtube this, and facebook that. done. yes, i went on facebook to work - greaty isnt it?

while the videos were processing, i take a shower, pack for the convention center and get ready for the day. once the videos were finished, a quick upload and i was on my way. i grab my things and dash over to the monorail. what a morning. everyone on the train was either in high spirit "business" mode, or with sunglasses hungover from the night before. interesting crowd. i chose to wear sunglasses and catch up on emails on my blackberry.

i arrive at the booth and the show is already in full swing. i get my equipment out and start taking pics like a paparazzi. every now and then, someone will ask me questions about the products and depending on the extent of my knowledge, id either answer or direct them to an expert. the ces crowd is great. all different types of people. i really enjoyed that.

we get the open area ready for our booth talent. i set up my camera and camcorders, tweet like crazy and document the activity at the booth. the line pours in and the talent starts up. a quick intro and the fans are rushed in. a snapshot and quick convo and our company connects the fans with their favorite celeb. all the while, our company is behind their minds. did you see so and so and the [company] booth? awesome. whos [company] blah blah. yay. rest of the day, im recording demos, tweeting, and updating our site.

evening comes and im rushing to get the last bits of info on the networks and i need to get dressed for dinner. close out a few emails, take a quick shower and take a couple shots. im ready for the evening.

dinner is awesome. i got to a restaurant i could never afford on my own and eat with my coworkers as we discuss what happened that day and what will happen that night. we open with a couple cocktails and an appetizer and soon enough, a fat piece of flesh is seared and cooked to perfection and i take a snapshot of it with my smartphone to show off to the kids at home. what a life. wash it down with a nice glass of red wine and lol at how much of a douchebag i probably look like at living such a life for the week. of course, everyone else is in the same boat. its all on the company dime amirite?

plans are made and a limo is called for the next location. we end up at a bar playing some good music and more drinks arrive. one by one, my coworkers disappear as other plans have been made by them. feeling the good warmth from all the wonderful beverages, the rest of my coworkers and i head to another company gathering at another hotel. top floor, top shelf vodka, and a grand view at this hotel. table service thanks to the sales team and a bunch of drunk coworkers whom i never would have thought would act the way they were that night. i was VERY surprised to see some of them enjoying black and milds along with me as soon as i sparked my own. classy.

the buzz was heightened by the smoke and the rap/clubbing music comes on and i start giggin. actin a fool compliments of the sales team and im lost on the floor. a few more shots roll out and a few more songs. somehow we end up in a hummer with the vp of sales. we mention how my birthday just passed and he hands me a bottle of kettle one. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? but i take it without hesitation. 2 am rolls around and we end up back at the hotel.

we definitely need something to soak up this alk, so we hit up the late night cafe for some breakfast. tater tots, eggs, sausage and toast. what could be better?

full, buzzed, and tired, i end up back at my hotel around 4... i make sure to down a glass of water, and i pass out on my bed.

the alarm is on auto for 8am. the next day, i gotta do it all again.

fuck yea.

over this hump.

hello blog. i havent written to you in ahwhile.. a very long while.

my life has become too busy and the other areas of social media has become so convenient, i can share my thoughts on the go. i come back regrettably only to rant some more. this was the reason why i stopped. i hated ranting about work and making this the only place to blow off steam.

it is 2am, im sort of back in the working groove and i cant sleep. im probably more emo than normal because i just finished watching a season of this comedy drama called skins. originally, i thought it was a comedy show about drugs, sex, partying and pranks. instead, it became this drama about adolescence and growing up. i got hooked.

during the whole first season, i couldnt help but relate it myself and how things have been since oct 2009. life was great. now, im emo. i cant get over it. normally, i would run to my friends about it, but this time i cant. i dont know if its because i have too much pride, im too ashamed to share my feelings on it, or im afraid how ill turn out once i start talking about it. i act like shits cool, but cmon. we were dating for almost five fuckin years. how can i just drop it like that? seriously. i think the main thing is, i just dont know who i can talk to about it. i dont feel like im as close as i used to be with the ones i could confide in. growing up sucks.

i really miss her tho. and i hate it. we hang out every now and then and while i do like that, i really know i shouldnt. its funny - the less i do hang out with her, the worse i feel, but at the same time, i feel good about it. it helps getting over all this mess. and while i know what the main reasons for us splitting up were, i cant help but feel like we just broke up on a whim.

i know i should let it go. i should get over it. its clear we have different goals in life. it would never work out. the problem is, while we didnt agree on one thing, everything else made sense. how the fuck am i supposed to get over that? something that clicked so well and *poof* just like that gone. i told myself id deal with this problem when the time come, but it does make sense that we addressed it now, ... fuck. i know, it makes sense to drop it now.

saturday morning - i wake up at 10am. turn my head and look to my right. i wake up to the noise of dogs barking and i see her either looking back at me or she turns over and makes a rodent sounding squeal as she tries to squeeze in another few minutes of snoozing. i hope out the bed, turn on my computer and play some music. she gets up, rubs her eyes and goes to the bathroom. the morning greet and i walk to the kitchen to make breakfast. "can you make me pancakes?" i smile back and wholeheartedly say yes. i grab the pancake mix out the cupboard, grab some eggs, and  spam and start cookin. i remember a bag of frozen blueberries and start droppin them into the pan. awesome. blueberry pancakes, over medium eggs and slices of spam. my computer music turns off and she turns on the living room radio to her favorite station. thats fine, sublime is on and i love them (even if she hates them). foods plated, juice is poured and she rips a paper towel in half for me. the excitement in her face was enough coffee for me. the meal continues with the two of us talking about work, web stuff, and shit we wanna do for the day. somehow the convo also includes yelling cussing and fighting with the eventual LoL of making up. it was like a sport. after the meal, we migrate to the television to see whats on tv. oh how the turntables. i am dead silent paying attention to the show while she tries to grab my attention. during commercials, she is dead silent watching the messaging while i try to get her attention. the day continues on like that until we decide to go to target or drive around looking for open houses. just another typical saturday.

i miss it. i miss her. but i know the only way i can get over this is if i: stop talking to her, start dating again, and keep fucking busy. i was able to hold out on being emo the first few months because of work. my fucking coworkers didnt even give a damn when they found out. at first, i didnt want to say anything, but one day it slipped. "oh im sorry jeff. blah blah.. can you make sure to just take care of this one thing for me?" fuck off please.

im not sure when was the last time i saw her. maybe it was last saturday. or monday. i cant remember. it was too recent, yet it feels like it was so long ago. ok. i just gotta get over it. i know shes already moving on. its time that i do as well. i hate that our anni and vday is coming up. maybe thats why im emo. i should get out of town that weekend. fuck this bullshit.

anyway, thanks for listening. its hard talking to people about this without getting soft. i needed to write this out just so i can sort things out better in my head. i do feel a little better now. 

dating again is really scaring me tho. i dont know where to begin, how to begin and how to date. i guess it could be fun. be nice to get out of comfort zone again.

i could really go for a black and mild right now. watch.. imma start writing rhymes again. maybe ill actually read them aloud for once. pfffff

Posting time

I cannot believe its been over 2 months?!?! Are there metrics on this thing? I'd like to see my reach and know if anyone actually reads this blog. The lack of activity here shows just how busy I've been I guess.

Quick Recap

• got a new car
• went to Anime Expo
• Disneyland
• Been playing lots of paintball
• shaved my head

That's whats been new. Work wise, I've they've really been working me. My days are long, my mornings are short. Not enough time in the day and not enough sleep in the night. What else is new amirite?

Sometimes I think of going back to school and maybe even go to a different path. I think when I hit my 2 year mark here, I'll really start reevaluating my career.

Upcoming events: Blizzcon, Vegas, CES(I hope!)

If you really wanna stalk me, I update my Twitter daily. It's the widget on the left of this page.

i did

well.. so i rarely post. twitter has taken over my blogging life, but i should update this from time to time.

in response to my last post, i'll say that i did it. i got one. it took a couple weeks, but i finally did it and im happy. i wont go into details yet, but i will say i got the full package and its good.

what car?

so now im really determined to buy a new car. i keep bouncing back around with all the different cars id like to purchase. this shit is annoying.

i hate the pressure of having to get a "nice" car. everyone around me is trying to get that new lexus or beemer. i wouldnt mind a lex, but i cant afford a beemer. and a lex would probably push it. aint trying to spend all my bank on monthly payments and shit.

this past month, ive been eying the mazda3 and the genesis coupe. its hard to get a test drive for the genesis, the dealers are hella chintzy with it. i test drove the mazda3. nice package, drives smooth, the most practical choice. but i still wanna floss, so i keep looking up those damn acuras, lexuses and infintis. fuckin christ.

im learning how to drive manual now too. im pretty good at it, but ill stall every now and then. i think its fun and im up for getting a manual car, but everyones telling me not to. yea its auto is more convenient, but i think its pretty fun shifting and shit. maybe ill just get one of those sport shift things. ehh..

this sucks man. ive been talking about this for the past year and a half, and i finally wanna get something, but i feel like im back to square one again.